It’s like trying to breathe under water.
You know you’re drowning but you’re still desperately trying to breathe. Because you can see everyone else around you is breathing just fine.
And it’s that slow kind of death. The agonizingly slow death that burns you from the inside out. You hear it in the words that other people say around you, it doesn’t even have to be to you to hurt.
“bisexuals are just greedy people.”
“you’re one of those normal girls, right?”
“what do you mean?”
“you know, you’re not part of the lgbt—whatever, right?”
( I don’t know what normal is. )
You feel it when their gaze is on you.
You can’t kiss a girl without feeling eyes on you. Sometimes you can’t even hold hands.
Because sometimes they push you away because all they feel is everyone’s eyes burning them.
And it’s like a stabbing in the chest when you hear her mother gushing about her date with a boy because all you want to do is scream in her face that it’s you she’s with.
But you don’t.
And if you’re with a boy people will wonder if you were ever really real about it at all?
as if you’re a fucking mythical creature with wings.
You’re trapped within your head and you’re screaming, constantly, But no one ever hears you.
You’re ashamed and you’re not even sure of what. Are you ashamed of who you love? Or are you ashamed because you feel too much of a coward to say it?
But you’re tired. All the time. It’s like you never sleep. Or worse off, it’s like you’re in a constant cycle of sleep paralysis. Your body’s unmoving, paralyzed and you can’t feel anything but the heavy weight on your chest, because you still cannot breathe for the life of you. And when you wake up, it’s like all the energy has been drained out of you, because you didn’t really sleep. You were too busy trying to wake up.
Kids kill themselves over it. Kids kill themselves because they feel like it will never get better. Kids kill themselves because they’re afraid they will never get a happy ending.
You never see it in the movies, in books or tv shows. Someone almost always dies. And that one, she breaks her heart and ends up with a boy.
You’re hopeless.
If there’s no shot at a happy ending when everyone else gets one, what’s the point?
but, wait,
wait because it’s true what they say, it is darkest before the dawn
wait because there’s two girls living in austin texas and one of them got down on one knee and the other was just about to do the same
wait because there are two boys going to prom together and they got each other roses and it’s beautiful
wait because your favorite artist just came out as bi and that makes her not normal like you, right?
wait because there’s people marching every june with rainbows on their skin and they wear them like armor
and one of them will stop and they’ll hug you because they are just like you
wait because your happy ending is you writing a happy ending for others just like you, your happy ending is showing the world who you are and not being afraid of it anymore.